The Guilty Party

Monday, May 12, 2014

More Amazing Blurbs

It has been a while since we've dipped into the wild and wondrous world of the book blurb, that oh so brief yet vital "elevator pitch" everyone tells you you must have in order to entice the reading public to sample your wares. Here are a few of my favorites from recent releases.

Words: 101,620. Language: English. Published: May 12, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Religion and Spirituality » Biblical Studies / Prophecy
The Coronation of the King is a short commentary on the Book of Revelation showing it is a picture or glimpse of the coming coronation ceremony of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as King of all kings and Lord of all lords, Sovereign over all the creation of God from a conservative, dispensational viewpoint. 
 There are approximately 12,000 words in the Book of Revelation, depending on which version you prefer for your light reading. This "short commentary" manages to bring crystal clarity to The Four Horsemen, The Beast with all Those Horn Thingies, that Marking of Foreheads process, and the general Party For All atmosphere into just under 102,000 words.
To prove herself in the wrestling ring, one woman faces ring rivalries, family secrets, impossible odds, corporate machinations, and a threat with ties deep in her family's history. Will she rise to the challenge of face ultimate defeat? 
No, I did not change anything in this carefully worded blurb. It will be up to Dear Reader to decide just what "rise to the challenge of face" means. My guess is it has something to do with impossible odds.
Ralf and his sister, Alyna, move with their parents to Tremerichson, a village high in the medieval Welsh mountains. The town is home to the flying horses that compete in the Aerial Games. Ayna jumps right into barn life, making her first real friend. Ralf falls in with a rebel crowd and seeks to destroy his sister's new life. 
Brothers, nothing but trouble. But I want to read this one just to find out if there are other towns that are home to flying horses or if the Aerial Games involve other sorts of airborne livestock. Perhaps medieval Chicago is home to flying Herefords.
Following his wife's death, nothing will stop Riley Mathis giving his daughter a safe and stable life. Having moved to Point St. Claire, Maine, he finds himself with the neighbor from hell. Aster Lawrence could do without her new neighbour poking around. But how can she keep her distance - keep surviving - when Riley, and his baby are both so easy to love. 
So is Aster the neighbor from hell? I'm confused.
This book covers necessary prevention steps needed to avoid heart disease and stay young, and healthy forever 
Is the prospect of being young and healthy forever worth $0.99? That's a question only you can answer.   
After appearing widely as selections in literary magazines around the world, the 80 love poems in this series now stand for the first time complete. Just listen and sway to their blues and rock. Perhaps even admire their diamond. It's passion, after all, and sometimes betrayal. Frequently, they play out in two voices in different keys that ignite in the rocky night or distill in the blue morning.  

"Psst, hey buddy. Yeah, you. Want to admire my diamond? Don't get too close, or it'll ignite or distill or something, you know what I mean?"

No, frankly, I have no idea what you mean.

Normally I keep the "Adult Filter" activated when checking out the new titles, but for the sake of research I switched it off to see if the blurb quality was any better amongst the porn crowd. Here is an example.

Melanie has been with her boyfriend for five years, but he has never satisfied her in the ways she dreams about. He's by no means tiny in the trouser department, but he's no way near as big as Mel needs. She's kept her addiction in check over the years with a number of toys and accessories, but the desire for fulfilment can sometimes be overwhelming, and when a new intern starts at work, who is... 
...not at all interested in Melanie or her obsession with the size of the male member. He does, however, find it quite easy to surpass her in all things having to do with the job and soon Melanie finds herself unemployed and unable to afford batteries for her toys and accessories. This makes her so irritable her boyfriend and his trouser department leave her. So we get our happy ending!

1 comment:

Lexi said...

Alan, I'm surprised you haven't heard of the famous flying horses of Wales. They are the foremost attraction of that part of the British Isles, just as the better-know flying pigs are up North.

'Tiny in the trouser department"? Good grief...

A Bit About Me

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I am a writer with a longtime interest in photography. I'm a dad, husband, photographer, and not very good guitarist. My first novel, Boomerang, is available in both paperback and ebook form at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and As a matter of fact, my second novel, The Baer Boys, can be found at exactly the same places.