The Guilty Party

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Investment Opportunity of a Lifetime!

A few years ago I squandered several hundred dollars in order to bring my novel out into the light of day. I had spent a decade or so--on and off, but still, a lot of time--in creating it, a couple of years and lots of paper and postage in attracting an agent who would shop it to the big publishers, and another couple of years getting nice emails from my agent with the latest "We loved it but have no idea what to do with it" rejections from those big publishers. Confident that all it needed was a cover, a photo of Your Truly and a spot on, I did the self-publishing thing through iUniverse and in the course of the next few years came within almost several hundred dollars of recouping my investment. In other words ROI was nothing to brag about to the accounting department (wife) or shareholders (rest of family).

Then, a bit over a year ago came an opportunity with a nice UK writers' site I have frequented to have Do-Overs. And Do-Overs without several hundred dollars involved. So I gave the book a polish, changed a few things that seemed to need changing, including the title (Boomerang), and so far the ROI is on the positive side. Cool.

But I have recently been approached by iUniverse with a marketing idea that is what only can be called Sure Fire and I Want To Share It With You!

Here is the entire copy of the correspondence I received from Sheryll Gomez, Marketing Guru and Millionaire Creater Extraordinaire at iUniverse:

Does your book have Hollywood potential? 

You worked hard on your manuscript and took the necessary steps to have it published. Now, you can see your work come to life in a live-action Hollywood Book Trailer.  With professional actors and Hollywood producers, your video will be a high-quality piece that you will be proud to show off.

In addition, We  will submit your work to a professional agent who will review your Hollywood Book Trailer and decide whether to represent it to movie production studios and other entertainment companies.  The agent has been responsible for selling such books to film to studios such as NBC Universal , Time Warner, Lionsgate, Sony and many many more.”

With a Hollywood Book Trailer, you get:

  • 60 to 90 second custom-made, live-action Hollywood Book Trailer
  • A review by a professional film agent
  • Placement of your book trailer on multiple well-known sites, including YouTube, Metacafe, DailyMotion, and your book details page in the Xlibris webpage
  • A single targeted e-mail campaign with a link to your Hollywood Book Trailer distributed to 1,000,000 potential customers
  • A press release with a link to your Hollywood Book Trailer
  • A social media marketing set-up of sites like Facebook, WordPress, MySpace, Flickr, to name a few, where your Hollywood Book Trailer will either be embedded or provided a link to
  • Web streaming capability and high-quality video downloads

Hollywood Book Trailers make a compelling addition to your press releases, social media sites, and personal web sites.  You will own all the rights to your Hollywood Book Trailer and will be provided with the final video file to share with readers, friends, and family and include in your marketing materials.  In the competitive marketplace, a Hollywood Book Trailer will catch buyers’ attention and make your book stand out in the crowd!

*Hollywood Book Trailers work best for promoting mystery, action, suspense and drama pieces.  Science fiction, historical novels, poetry, cookbooks and children’s books may not work as well.  Please consult with your Marketing Consultant to determine if a Hollywood Book Trailer is right for your work.

The value for the Hollywood Book Trailer is $19,999 but I can give it for you for only $16,999.15 so you save up to $2,999.85. Great savings right. This promotion is only up until December 30, 2009. A great way to end the year by getting this Hollywood Book Trailer.

This service is available in payment installment options using credit or debit card with a one-time $30 processing fee paid in a 30-day increment.

If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me by phone or by e-mail.  

Best regards,

Sheryll Gomez
Marketing Consultant
iUniverse, Inc.

So, for those of you who have the foresight to see the enormous profit potential of such an endeavor, here is your opportunity to become a part of a World Wide Phenomenon. Yes, you can proudly tell your friends and associates that you are a Producer of the Book Trailer for Close Enough for Government Work (aka Boomerang), with a minimal investment of just four thousand dollars. Once we have the right number of investors in place production will commence, including a musical production number that has come to me in a vision and is sure to make this Sure Fire Idea into Something Even Better. Picture, if you will, the classic spectacle that is "Springtime for Hitler", but with J.Edgar Hoover leading the ensemble. Bethie can be the head chorus girl. The world will flock. Yes, it will flock. It won't be able to help itself from flocking!

And you will become rich! Fabulously rich! Insanely rich! Obscenely rich! Ooh, how cool will that be?

So don't delay, send your check immediately. This opportunity won't last long! Once we've reached our limit of twenty investors, the door to this Pathway to Wealth and Power will be closed!

One other idea that springs to mind is a more modest investment of about ten dollars for the paperback of Boomerang or just a couple of bucks for the ebook edition

Whether you pick the path to sure riches (four thousand) or sure entertainment (ten or two), be assured you are making one author very happy indeed!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Sometimes the Best Advice Comes From the Least Likely Source: Our Own Darned Self

Carpe Your Own Diem, Buddy!

Several days ago a young woman at work was saying that she would just as soon the holiday season be over and done with. Not her favorite time of year. She didn't elaborate on what it is about November/December that she doesn't like, but my guess is at least some of her reasons are very much along the lines of It's Too Long; It's Too Commercialized; and All the Stores (including, unfortunately, the excellent establishment that employs us both) Play Godawful Music. If so, then let's face it, she's right on all counts.

I know very well what it is to face with dread that chunk of the year that for some reason we call The Holiday Season. As someone who has paid the mortgage and put food on the table by working in the retail industry the phrase "holiday season" is one hell of a misnomer. For decades, for me it meant six or seven day work weeks, long hours on those days, early openings, late closings, customers screaming at me because a small child's Christmas will be ruined because a product is out of stock, and a predictable percentage of employee absence, tardiness and theft. Like my young coworker I couldn't wait for it to be over either.

So why, when confronted with "I can't wait for the holidays to be over." from a lovely, intelligent young woman, didn't I just nod my head in empathetic harmony? Why did I feel the need to bring her round to a more positive frame of mind? Why did I trot out my own personal version of Carpe Diem/Smell the Roses/All We've Got is Today So Look for the Blasted Silver Lining on her?

I'm not really sure, but even if my attempt to get her to see that each of us is responsible for how we approach not just each season, but each day, hour and moment, didn't make any sort of impression on her (I hope she didn't just see it as Old Man Babbling On, but there is that distinct possibility) I am quite selfishly glad I did it. Why? Because I needed the reminder myself. Heck, I need it a lot. I've known for a long time the value of time and energy and how what we do with each is perhaps the biggest factor in creating the life well-lived. I know the importance of not squandering these finite assets in wasteful pursuits. And I know one of the most wasteful pursuits is that of Waiting For This to Be Over So The Good Stuff Can Start. Well, the Good Stuff shows up when it darned well pleases, following nobody's calendar and calling ahead to announce its arrival time just about never at all. So we need to be ready for it. Maybe even create a bit of it for somebody else so it knows it will have company. That's a good thing that usually doesn't require Waiting.

I know all these things but am I good at incorporating them into my own life? Not so much. I grumble; I look forward to end-of-shift; I wish for cool weather when it's hot and warm weather when it's cold and blustery; I see the future as the place where the good stuff happens and the present as a swamp I've got to slog my way through. Too often I can't wait for tomorrow because today is whupping my butt or boring or just not what I wanted it to be.

So I would like to thank her for expressing her self-admitted Scroogified attitude and in doing so giving me an opportunity to lecture myself by bouncing it off of her. We all needs the ol' whack-upside-the-head sometimes, and every once in a while the best hand to administer the whack is at the end of our own arm.

Go Ye Forth and Do Likewise

A Bit About Me

My photo
I am a writer with a longtime interest in photography. I'm a dad, husband, photographer, and not very good guitarist. My first novel, Boomerang, is available in both paperback and ebook form at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and As a matter of fact, my second novel, The Baer Boys, can be found at exactly the same places.