The Guilty Party

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Inspired to Do Better

In one of my recent posts here I wrote about the importance of writing a good hook for ones book. I also noted just how tough it is to distill an entire novel into one great eye and/or ear catching sentence. To illustrate the point I showcased a number of hooks from one of the writing sites I frequent. Most of them, to my mind, were not doing their job.

Well, I put the same post in the forum section of that writers' site, but this time I included the hooks I had created for both of the works I have there. I didn't know what to expect in the way of reaction, but I'm glad I did it because one of the comments caused me to go back and labor over my hook for Boomerang, the book I am currently trying to place with a literary agent. The original read something like this (see, even I can't remember the darned thing):

A secret that should have died with J. Edgar Hoover is on the loose and it's up to two down on their luck jazz musicians to save the United States from terminal embarrassment.

Whoop-dee-doo.

Here's the new version:

A comic novel of international intrigue played out by a diverse cast of characters, most of them operating completely out of their element.

Obviously I like the new one. What do you think?

Late news development! (March 6, 2009)

After even more helpful feedback, a new front-runner has emerged.

A crossbow wielding assassin, the Director of Central Intelligence, two jazzers, and a clothing optional ex-cheerleader are all chasing a boomerang with a secret inside.


Go Ye Forth and Do Likewise

3 comments:

Timberati said...

I like the last one best. May I suggest a small adjustment? I will anyway.

"A crossbow wielding assassin, the Director of Central Intelligence, two jazzers, and a clothing optional ex-cheerleader all want a boomerang containing a secret that could bring down the US government."

Anna said...

Timber's suggestion is good.

I should have liked you to include that most of them are operating way out of their league as it confirms the comedic aspect.

Lexi said...

Yes, I liked it up to 'inside'.

A Bit About Me

My photo
I am a writer with a longtime interest in photography. I'm a dad, husband, photographer, and not very good guitarist. My first novel, Boomerang, is available in both paperback and ebook form at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Smashwords.com. As a matter of fact, my second novel, The Baer Boys, can be found at exactly the same places.